a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
