My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
