It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
