You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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