There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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