I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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