my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
