I got chris browned last night
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
