Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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