After last night, I could never be a politician.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
