nutella sex= disaster
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
