I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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