well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
