if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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