I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
