Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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