then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
