its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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