Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize