How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
