Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
