I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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