I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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