As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
