Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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