what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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