i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
not ubering you a puppy
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