Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
There r osticjed everywhere
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
