Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
