he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
