I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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