I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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