Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
