remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
