Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
