We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
