I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
