OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
