There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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