I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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