Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
