hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
