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Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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