so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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