I am puke
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
