U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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