I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
