I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
it's like iHOP with fire
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i drank out of a bidet.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
