Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Randomize
