At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
