either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
