the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize