Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize