This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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