i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
