Only a mothe r could love this liver
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
