just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
