shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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