I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
