Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
