they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize