so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Reggie can tackle my bush.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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