in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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