Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize