I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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