I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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