Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
