I think I died a long time ago.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
