I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
