Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
