I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
