i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
