i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
