Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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