Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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