god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
