Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
