Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
