Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
