I heard we made out
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
