Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
