Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize