So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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