He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
