Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
