you traded sex for a burrito?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
