1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize