Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize