theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
