these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize