What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
