I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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