If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
