fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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