so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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