never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
