i barfeds in our rink
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
