Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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