I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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