I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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