i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize