she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You made out with two different species that night
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize