I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
