I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
