I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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