there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
my poor anus
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
