I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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